Co-sleeping Put on a Strain on my Marriage.

This is not intended to start a fight. I'm not saying you shouldn't co-sleep. I am just sharing my experience. And if you're in similar shoes, hopefully you will be encouraged and strengthened to take the necessary steps to getting your bed back!

A little background. When I was pregnant with my son, we specifically ordered a pack n play that had a bassinet attachment. I had the intention of keeping him in our room, close, so that I could easily nurse him for the middle of the night feedings. I eventually got so exhausted that we ended up co-sleeping for a few months. One he was about 6-months old we transitioned him to his room since he was sleeping for longer periods of time. 

He did really well for quite awhile. We would have rough patches where he would end up in our room, but we would get through it. We did sleep training at one point to make sure he would stay put. But then around 16 months (give or take), all hell broke loose. He got sick so he slept in bed with us. And it went down-hill from there. 

Every night he slept in bed with us. We had to go to bed earlier so that he would go to sleep. Or we would have to be in bed with him until he fell asleep then we could get up and do stuff. But at that point, we were usually so exhausted that we would just go to bed too.

We didn't get anything done at night. We were exhausted. And just to be perfectly blunt, our sex life was not healthy. When you have a child sleeping in your bed with you every night, it makes it pretty difficult to do the hanky-panky. I'm just going to be honest about this too. Sex is important in a marriage. It really is. 

My husband and I also weren't able to talk at night. Sometimes that was the only time we had to talk, but with the little boy in our bed, we couldn't talk. 

Very quickly our marriage was strained. When you constantly have your child with you, it makes it impossible to have "us" time. You need that in a marriage. You need to have time, alone, with your spouse. It's not a luxury, it's a must! If you want a good marriage, you need to spend time with one another, no children. 

When you don't even get to sleep by yourselves, it causes problems. 

I was desperate! We were desperate. For three months I was making back and forth trips to Idaho, so getting him to sleep in his own room wasn't plausible yet. Then we went to Colorado for a weekend, so we waited until after we got back. 

After that it was the rough part. Sleep training again. He actually did very well and we were so proud of him! He does wonderful now and sleeps in his room all night. 

But going back to the strain on our marriage. It was very real, and I was easily able to trace it back to when our son was co-sleeping with us. 

I'm not saying it will cause the same strain in your marriage. I'm not saying you should stop co-sleeping if that's what you want. However, if you are feeling a strain in your relationship and you are co-sleeping, maybe you need to think about changing that. 

Once he was in his room and we were over the difficult part of sleep training, I noticed a positive change in our marriage. 

Co-sleeping can be wonderful. But sometimes, it's not worth the strain on your marriage. 

One Child Counts

So a while back, I was talking with a couple people about, well, lots of things. Business was the overarching thing, I guess. One of the people asked the other how many children another person had. Her response was "just one." 

"Oh! One child doesn't count! Well, it does, but you know what I mean!" 

This last part was directed at me. I nodded and shrugged but inside I thought, No! I don't get what you mean! I get why she said it, and I know she didn't mean it maliciously or anything like that, she would never say anything maliciously. But that made me start thinking, and I still think back on it.

This is a problem. Why? Why are mothers so catty? Why do we compare each other? I get caught up in it too, but why do we do this!?

I've often thought back to that conversation, especially lately. I desperately want another baby. I want so badly to expand our family, and it's just not happening. It's heartbreaking. So thinking "One child doesn't count" is devastating. One child DOES count!

Whether you have one child or twelve, they all count! We are all mothers. We feel the heartache when our child is hurt, the frustration when our child throws a temper-tantrum, the exhaustion we feel when they're sick and need to be held... There are so many experiences that we have as mothers, and just because some of us "only" have one, doesn't mean we don't feel and agonize like every other mother. 

Saying or thinking anything like "well she only has one, so...," is a terrible thing. It needs to be erased from our minds. Don't discount the feelings and experiences of a mother just because she 'only' has one child.

You're busy? So is she! Yes, things get hectic when you have lots of children. I see how crazy things get with my siblings who have multiple kids. I've seen dear family friends who had twelve kids and are now raising two of their grand-children. I get it. Things get crazy.

But to think that just because someone "only" has one child means that they aren't busy and stressed out, or that they don't "get" it, is blasphemous. You have no idea what is going on in their life. If you're close to them, you might have some idea. However, if you are TRULY close to someone with "only" one child, then you would never even think about the fact that they "only" have one child.  

Let's not compare ourselves. Instead, let's encourage one another. Let's be there for one another. Be there with a hug or a kind word on a bad day. We all have them! Let's replace the judging and comparing with compassion and love. 

This life is hard enough as it is. Let's not make it harder for one another. And remember. One child most definitely counts.