He "just" touched me inappropriately

Sexual assault has been a hot topic lately. With many guys being giving lenient sentences for sexual assault and rape, it's no wonder there has been an outcry about the rape culture in our society. I do agree that there is a problem. A huge problem. Often times the victim, mostly women, are victimized further. 

What was she wearing? Was she drunk? Was she flirting? Was she alone? 

The list of questions goes on and on. And it sucks. Instead of putting the blame on the perpetrator, where it belongs, the victims are blamed. That's a problem. However, (this is where people may want to strike me down with lightning) it sucks, women, you have to be confident and be smart! 

Yes, the blame lies with the perpetrator, there is no question about that. But we don't live in a perfect society. Unfortunately, rape is a problem. Sexual assault is a problem. Rape culture is a thing, and it's not going to change over night. So we need to be smart. I need to be smart and confident. You need to be smart and confident. 

You have to watch your back. You have to be aware of who is around you. You have to be careful of how much you drink around strangers, because you have to be on your guard. No, it's not the woman's responsibility to prevent being raped. But in our imperfect world, women have to do everything in their power to keep themselves safe.

Confidence is another key here. Confidence to stand up, confidence to speak up and speak out, confidence to fight back, confidence to look people in the eye, and confidence to move on.

I'm going to share a very personal story that very, very few people know about. I have only told a handful of people. I didn't realize it but I hadn't even told my husband about it until very recently. It's not that I'm ashamed of it or anything. I've just moved past it and don't dwell on it. But I feel like being open and I think this is a big enough problem that the more voices that speak up, the better. 

I'll give a little back story. The summer before my senior year of high school (so ten years ago... Wow, that's forever!) I worked at a dude ranch in Wyoming. Awesome, right!? It was amazing. I was 17 and it was the first time I'd been away from my parents for more than about a week. It was a great experience and I immediately loved it. 

I had a good boss, good co-workers (especially the cook, Phil. He still holds a special place in my heart.), a fun job, and lots of fun experiences. I made friends with some of the people in town, and one of the boys from town even became my boyfriend for part of the summer.

My day off every week happened to be the day that they had mutual in town (I'm LDS. Mutual is for the youth in the ward). So when I could, I would go to mutual and hang out with people my age who lived there. On one such night, we drove the hour or so to the nearest city (ish). The place I was working had a population of under 1,000, and the nearest bigger place was about an hour away. 

Anyway, my boyfriend wasn't able to go, but his mom, sisters, his sister's boyfriend, and a few other people all went. I had fun talking to and getting to know the other people. I don't even remember what movie we saw. But it was a fun night. 

The ride back was where things took a turn for the worse. I was sitting in the back seat next to my boyfriend's sister's boyfriend. She was sitting on the other side of him. I was kind of drifting in and out of sleep, but could never really fall asleep because I couldn't get comfortable. 

His girlfriend was conked out on the other side of the car and I was lost in my thoughts until I felt his hand on my thigh. I was so startled, I didn't know what to do. I looked over slightly at him and he looked like he was sleeping, so I left his hand alone, dismissing it as an unknown error. 

But then his hand slid over and up and soon he was rubbing my privates. I was stunned. Shocked. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't make a scene. My boyfriend's mom was driving and his sister was on the other side of the car. What the heck was going on? I pretended to be asleep because I was  unsure of what to do. I'd never been prepared for this kind of situation. What was I supposed to do!?

Finally I decided to pretend to wake up. I startled a little bit and quickly moved his hand away. I pulled away from him as much as I could. But when you're stuck in a car sitting next to a person who revolts you, there's not much you can do to get away. 

I spent the rest of the drive deep in thought and feeling violated. It wasn't a huge deal. He had "just" touched me inappropriately. But why did I feel so violated? My mind raced as I tried to make sense of what had just happened and what I was supposed to do next. 

My boyfriend's mom was supposed to drive me back to the ranch that night so I could get to work in the morning, but it was so late that she said she would wake up early to take me. She brought me a pillow and blankets to sleep on her couch. My boyfriend was just in the next room. How I wanted to wake him up and tell him what happened! But would he believe me? It was his sister's boyfriend!

Thoughts continued to race through my head and sleep eluded me that night. 

I was very distant in the morning as I folded up the blankets I'd used and stacked them neatly on the edge of the couch. I hardly spoke on the ride back to the ranch. After quickly stopping by my cabin to change and drop of my stuff I headed to the dining cabin to get ready for breakfast. My co-worker noticed my distant and down mood, quite a change from my usual chatty and bubbly self, and asked me multiple times what was wrong.

Finally I told her what happened. She was astounded and immediately told me I needed to tell someone. I'm so, so glad I talked to her! She helped me realize that I shouldn't keep quiet and that I needed to tell people. Especially my boyfriend's mom!

After explaining what happened one more time to another co-worker/friend, I decided that I needed to go back to town that night to talk to my boyfriend's mother. So I did. I still remember sitting across the table from her and recounting my experience again. She was so sweet. So wonderful. She said she would tell my boyfriend what happened, because she wanted to be there to calm him down before he did something rash. 

Anyway. After talking with his mom, I came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to do anything further. I just needed to put it in the past. Getting the police involved wasn't going to work because it would be a he said-she said thing, and I was a girl just working there for the summer, so who were they more likely to believe? Not me, for sure.

So I decided to just call it over and put it behind me. 

Until a few days later when I was taking a nap in my cabin. I heard a knock on the cabin door and I was very stunned to see the boy that had touched me so inappropriately standing there. I don't even think I spoke. He just asked if we could talk. I was so shocked. I had no idea what to do. 

"Umm... Sure. Just a second." I grabbed my phone and put on some shoes. I took him to a private but close place to talk and sat far away from him.

He continued to deny everything. He asked if there was any way we could fix this. His relationship with his girlfriend's parents was rough now, and he couldn't see his girlfriend much anymore. He basically said it was all a misunderstanding and basically asked me to recant what I'd said. 

So many emotions were running inside of me, fighting each other to be the first one out. I said multiple times, "I'm sorry, but no. I know what happened."

After a couple more of his pleas to get me to recant, I asked him to leave. 

Once I got into my cabin anger was the winner and erupted outside of me. I threw my phone at the couch and it took everything to not let out a string of cuss words. 

The other girls in my cabin wanted to know what happened and I filled them in on everything. I had to allow myself to feel all of the different emotions inside of me. Having a support group helped a lot. The summer finished well and I put what happened behind me. 

And this is where I jump back to what I started with. Women, you need to be confident. You need to stand up for yourselves. You need to speak out. Don't hold stuff inside. 

I wish I could go back and tell my 17-year-old self to have more confidence and immediately push his hand away when it first touched my leg. But at least I told someone. It was minor, yes, but I still told someone. That little act saved me so much unnecessary hardship. No, I couldn't do anything. But I stood up for myself. 

When the boy asked me to recant what I said, saying it was a "misunderstanding," I didn't cave. I knew what happened. 

Too often this is the problem when sexual assault and rape. Women don't stand up. It's hard, I'm sure. But it's worth it. You are worth it. You will probably be torn down along the way, but as long as you stand up for yourself, you come out on top. As long as you can move past it a better person, you win. 

Yes, we have problems with a rape culture. Perpetrators often don't get what they deserve. The victims suffer far more than the perpetrators usually do. How can we change that? It's going to take time. But what we can change is ourselves. 

We can be smart. Confident. Travel in pairs, don't get so drunk that you are unaware of what's going on around you, have your phone at the ready if you have to be by yourself--better yet, be talking on the phone to someone if you have to be by yourself! It sucks that it is on the woman to not get raped or assaulted. It really does. But that's the society we live in, unfortunately. I wish that would change and I hope and pray that it does. 

But until it does, we have to be safe. You have to be confident. You have to be safe. You have to be smart. You have to speak up and speak out. Stand up for yourself and put up the fight of your life if you ever find yourself in a bad situation. You'll never regret the fight.  

Co-sleeping Put on a Strain on my Marriage.

This is not intended to start a fight. I'm not saying you shouldn't co-sleep. I am just sharing my experience. And if you're in similar shoes, hopefully you will be encouraged and strengthened to take the necessary steps to getting your bed back!

A little background. When I was pregnant with my son, we specifically ordered a pack n play that had a bassinet attachment. I had the intention of keeping him in our room, close, so that I could easily nurse him for the middle of the night feedings. I eventually got so exhausted that we ended up co-sleeping for a few months. One he was about 6-months old we transitioned him to his room since he was sleeping for longer periods of time. 

He did really well for quite awhile. We would have rough patches where he would end up in our room, but we would get through it. We did sleep training at one point to make sure he would stay put. But then around 16 months (give or take), all hell broke loose. He got sick so he slept in bed with us. And it went down-hill from there. 

Every night he slept in bed with us. We had to go to bed earlier so that he would go to sleep. Or we would have to be in bed with him until he fell asleep then we could get up and do stuff. But at that point, we were usually so exhausted that we would just go to bed too.

We didn't get anything done at night. We were exhausted. And just to be perfectly blunt, our sex life was not healthy. When you have a child sleeping in your bed with you every night, it makes it pretty difficult to do the hanky-panky. I'm just going to be honest about this too. Sex is important in a marriage. It really is. 

My husband and I also weren't able to talk at night. Sometimes that was the only time we had to talk, but with the little boy in our bed, we couldn't talk. 

Very quickly our marriage was strained. When you constantly have your child with you, it makes it impossible to have "us" time. You need that in a marriage. You need to have time, alone, with your spouse. It's not a luxury, it's a must! If you want a good marriage, you need to spend time with one another, no children. 

When you don't even get to sleep by yourselves, it causes problems. 

I was desperate! We were desperate. For three months I was making back and forth trips to Idaho, so getting him to sleep in his own room wasn't plausible yet. Then we went to Colorado for a weekend, so we waited until after we got back. 

After that it was the rough part. Sleep training again. He actually did very well and we were so proud of him! He does wonderful now and sleeps in his room all night. 

But going back to the strain on our marriage. It was very real, and I was easily able to trace it back to when our son was co-sleeping with us. 

I'm not saying it will cause the same strain in your marriage. I'm not saying you should stop co-sleeping if that's what you want. However, if you are feeling a strain in your relationship and you are co-sleeping, maybe you need to think about changing that. 

Once he was in his room and we were over the difficult part of sleep training, I noticed a positive change in our marriage. 

Co-sleeping can be wonderful. But sometimes, it's not worth the strain on your marriage. 

One Child Counts

So a while back, I was talking with a couple people about, well, lots of things. Business was the overarching thing, I guess. One of the people asked the other how many children another person had. Her response was "just one." 

"Oh! One child doesn't count! Well, it does, but you know what I mean!" 

This last part was directed at me. I nodded and shrugged but inside I thought, No! I don't get what you mean! I get why she said it, and I know she didn't mean it maliciously or anything like that, she would never say anything maliciously. But that made me start thinking, and I still think back on it.

This is a problem. Why? Why are mothers so catty? Why do we compare each other? I get caught up in it too, but why do we do this!?

I've often thought back to that conversation, especially lately. I desperately want another baby. I want so badly to expand our family, and it's just not happening. It's heartbreaking. So thinking "One child doesn't count" is devastating. One child DOES count!

Whether you have one child or twelve, they all count! We are all mothers. We feel the heartache when our child is hurt, the frustration when our child throws a temper-tantrum, the exhaustion we feel when they're sick and need to be held... There are so many experiences that we have as mothers, and just because some of us "only" have one, doesn't mean we don't feel and agonize like every other mother. 

Saying or thinking anything like "well she only has one, so...," is a terrible thing. It needs to be erased from our minds. Don't discount the feelings and experiences of a mother just because she 'only' has one child.

You're busy? So is she! Yes, things get hectic when you have lots of children. I see how crazy things get with my siblings who have multiple kids. I've seen dear family friends who had twelve kids and are now raising two of their grand-children. I get it. Things get crazy.

But to think that just because someone "only" has one child means that they aren't busy and stressed out, or that they don't "get" it, is blasphemous. You have no idea what is going on in their life. If you're close to them, you might have some idea. However, if you are TRULY close to someone with "only" one child, then you would never even think about the fact that they "only" have one child.  

Let's not compare ourselves. Instead, let's encourage one another. Let's be there for one another. Be there with a hug or a kind word on a bad day. We all have them! Let's replace the judging and comparing with compassion and love. 

This life is hard enough as it is. Let's not make it harder for one another. And remember. One child most definitely counts. 

"As thou wilt."

We all have things we are struggling with. Every single one of us. Our problems may differ, but there is no denying that we sometimes start to buckle and fall with the weight of our burdens. 

I was sitting in church one Sunday, buckling under my own burdens, when a thought came to me. Only one perfect being has ever walked this earth, and even He fell with the weight of His burdens. Matthew 26:39 begins with that very thing. "And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed..." I learned so much just from this. Sometimes we feel and are told that it is a bad thing to fall-we shouldn't break under our burdens. But break and fall we do, and that is perfectly okay. As long as we pray. 

Sometimes this is the place where we all go wrong. We forget to pray. I admit that I am a culprit of this. It's something that I am constantly working on. There are times when I forget to pray until my knees are already giving in and I am falling to the ground. But as I hit the ground, prayers are radiating out from every part of me. It's one of the only ways I was able to get through a miscarriage. 

One of the other things we are often told, which I think is terrible, is that we shouldn't pray to have our burdens taken from us. It is fine to pray for that. Jesus did in His prayer to Father in Heaven. After Christ had fallen to the earth, he prayed, "...saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me..." Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, suffered unbearable pain and persecution, beyond anything we can imagine. And He didn't want to. He prayed to have His suffering taken away. But it wasn't. Ours usually isn't either. 

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has been told to be grateful for my trials. There are many trials I am not grateful for. I give thanks to the Lord for helping me to get through them, but I don't give thanks for the trial itself. I have never been grateful that I had a miscarriage. I've never been grateful that my best friend died when I was 18. You don't have to be grateful for your trials. It's okay to fall flat on your face and beg for them to be taken away. But let us look at the rest of the scripture. 

Matthew 26: 39

"And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt."

"Nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." This. This is where my thoughts finally led me that Sunday. How can I even begin to say how much is held in this small prayer? It's not  about what I want. My focus is so small. I can't comprehend all that God knows and sees. I don't know why I have to suffer the trials that I do. But God does. That's the key, isn't it? It all comes down to faith. Jesus Christ had enough faith is His Father, our Heavenly Father, to say, "nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." He completely gave His life over to God. This is something that I am working on and will continue to work on for my whole life. Giving my life to God. Having enough faith to trust Him in all things. And this is what I encourage you to do. 

I'm not telling you not to fall, scream, beg, or break. We've all been there. I'm pleading with you to pray at those times. It's going to be hard, and it's going to suck. And there will be times that you don't want to do it, and you want to give up. But if you pray with humble heart, you will not be left comfortless.

Picture found on lds.org

"Gethsemane"

Adam Abram (1976)

Oil Painting

Christ’s suffering in Gethsemane is beyond our understanding, but as intense as it was, He persevered through it. As we suffer through our own times of trial, as intense as they may be, we must never give up

Gethsemane - Adam Abram

 

Newly Wed

So this is my one act that I am directing for my mask club! I also just submitted it into a playwriting competition. I'm not expecting much but I knew absolutely nothing would happen if I didn't at least submit something, so I'm making progress! haha. Let me know what you think about the script because it is most definitely not a final draft!

SCENE 1

(The apartment on stage is very colorful and ugly. Walls are painted obnoxiously; the couch is very old and tacky. There are boxes all over and maybe a dining room table somewhere. There is a couch, coffee table, and a side table towards the center of the room. Keys are heard jangling off-stage. We hear a man’s voice.)

TIM

(Off stage)

Now remember, I got a really good deal on the place.

SARAH

How bad is it?

TIM

(Entering)

It’s just… colorful.

(He flips on a light switch)

SARAH

What do y—

(As the apartment is illuminated, Sarah stops talking. She doesn’t know what to say and TIM, full of luggage, nudges her from behind.)  

SARAH

Oh, sorry.

(She moves and continues to stare at her surroundings.)

TIM

Was all of this really necessary?

SARAH

Apparently not.

TIM

I’m sorry.

SARAH

I know.

TIM

Then why do you seem angry?

SARAH

I’m just…tonight isn’t really working out.

TIM

Why don’t we just get into bed—

SARAH

We would be in a nice bed right now if you ha-

TIM

Looked at the hotel. I know, and I’m really sorr—

SARAH

I know!

TIM

Then why are you still upset?

SARAH

You didn’t even demand our money back.

TIM

I tried talking t—

SARAH

Not very hard.

TIM

We could have at least stayed the night.

SARAH

There was hair all over the bathroom.

TIM

Not that much.

SARAH

There were bedbugs!

TIM

Look, it’s late. We’re tired. Let’s go to bed and I’ll call the hotel in the morning.

SARAH

I’m gonna unpack a little first.

TIM

It’s after midnight!

(After a look from Sarah he goes in the kitchen for water. Sarah starts unpacking but after a moment her face screws up and we can tell she smells something foul.)

SARAH

Oh my gosh. Did you do that?

TIM

Maybe. Something I ate at the reception hasn’t set well.

SARAH

That’s disgusting--I can’t believe you!

TIM

What?

SARAH

Why didn’t you go in a different room?

TIM

What’s the big deal? You’re my wife now.

SARAH

For less than twenty-four hours!

TIM

My parents always fart in front of each other.

SARAH

That’s horrible.

TIM

You can’t tell me your family didn’t do that.

SARAH

Mhmm. If we needed to pass gas we went into a different room.

TIM

Sometimes it just sneaks out!

SARAH

Inappropriate.

TIM

Look, I’m sorry. It’s not a big deal in my family…

(TIM walks quickly into their bedroom. He walks back out after a few moments with a sheepish look on his face. He goes to help SARAH unpack and they continue in silence for a few moments. SARAH suddenly smacks her hand over her nose.)

SARAH

Seriously Tim?

TIM

I went in a different room.

SARAH

Well it followed you out!

TIM

My stomach feels a little better now.

SARAH

You’re disgusting.

TIM

Sorry.

SARAH

(beat) Well why don't you help me? (Gesturing toward the boxes.)

TIM

Can't we just go to bed?

SARAH

Are you tired?

TIM

(Going over to SARAH and kissing her neck.)

That's not the only reason for going to bed.

SARAH

(Shrugging him off.) No.

TIM

Come on, why not?

SARAH

You pass gas in front of me and then expect me to be in the mood?

TIM

I dunno.

SARAH

It's not happening right now.

TIM

Later?

SARAH

Just help me.

TIM

Okay.

(He opens a box and looks then pushes it to the side. He looks at the next box then pushes it away. He does this two more times.)

SARAH

What are you doing?

TIM

They're clothes.

SARAH

And?

TIM

They're yours… I'll just unpack something else.

SARAH

Just put the clothes away!

TIM

I don't know how you do your clothes.

SARAH

Tops go on hangers, bottoms get folded.

TIM

Alright...

(TIM takes one box into the bedroom. He comes back after a moment with a wad of fabric knotted around a hanger.)

TIM

I don't understand your clothes.

SARAH

Tim!

(SARAH goes over and untangles the mess, showing a long sleeve open front wrap with extremely long tails in the front.)

SARAH

You put it on the hanger like this.

(Puts it on the hanger so the front tails are draping down.)

then you put this on the opposite side.

(Grabs one of the tails and pulls it up and loosely hangs it over the hanger on the opposite side.)

then do the same with the other one.

(She does the same thing with the other tail draping down.)

TIM

(Sarcastically) Oh yeah. I don't know how I missed that.

SARAH

Just unpack something else.

TIM

Thank you.

SARAH

(Staring at what is in the box she has and pulling out two nerf guns.)

 Tim? What’re these?

TIM

They're nerf guns!

SARAH

I know, I meant why do you have them?

TIM

Cause they're fun!

SARAH

They're kids toys.

TIM

Haven't you ever played with one?

SARAH

No.

TIM

You poor deprived child. Here (Handing her one of the guns)

SARAH

How does it work?

TIM

You just put one of the darts in it. Pull the lever then pull the trigger.

SARAH

Okay. (Shoots once) whoa… That’s kinda fun.

(She looks at TIM slyly and then shoots him with a dart.)

TIM

Oh, it’s on!

(Nerf gun war ensues. SARAH trips over the couch at one point and it puts an end to her fun.)

SARAH

That hurt.

TIM

You okay?

SARAH

I’m fine.

TIM

Ya sure?

(TIM approaches SARAH to make sure she is okay. As she starts leaning up to kiss him he shoots her again. She’s upset and the moment immediately becomes awkward.)

SARAH

Where’d you get this ugly couch anyway?

TIM

Came with the apartment.

SARAH

Of course it did.

TIM

What’s that supposed to mean?

SARAH

Nothing.

TIM

Right.

SARAH

It’s just… never mind.

TIM

No. What?

SARAH

Well…

TIM

Yes?

SARAH

I told you to look for a nice apartment.

TIM

This is a good apartment.

SARAH

It’s ugly.

TIM

It’s not that bad. Besides, you weren’t here to help me look at places.

SARAH

I wanted to.

TIM

You could have made it work.

SARAH

My family really wanted me to stay with them.

TIM

You could have gone out after we found a place.

SARAH

My sister had surgery.

TIM

Plastic surgery!

SARAH

You wouldn’t understand. And I asked you to send me pictures.

TIM

What do you mean I wouldn’t understand? And I would have but I had to make a quick decision.

SARAH

A quick decision… Our families are entirely different!

TIM

I got a good deal on the place and you mean your family can afford plastic surgery and mine can’t.

SARAH

Affording it isn’t the issue. The fact that my family even gets it is the issue. And sometimes it’s better to pay a little more for something nicer.

TIM

It’s within my budget… You aren’t going to want plastic surgery are you?

SARAH

So what if I did? And we could put some of my paycheck toward the rent.

TIM

We need to start saving. You don’t need plastic surgery!

SARAH

That’s not what I asked. But we could’ve had a nicer apartment.

TIM

We will later. If it was a necessary plastic surgery then we could talk about it.

SARAH

Necessary plastic surgery? And just how much later are we talking?

TIM

Enough about plastic surgery! I don’t know how much later.

SARAH

My dad offered to get you a job tha—

TIM

I would have hated that job.

SARAH

You’d earn so much more.

TIM

I like my job.

SARAH

I know. But…

TIM

But what?

SARAH

Nothing.

TIM

No, it’s not nothing.

SARAH

It doesn’t matter.

TIM

Why do you do this?

SARAH

What?

TIM

Stop talking.

SARAH

Because it doesn’t matter.

TIM

Obviously it does.

(SARAH turns back to the boxes and starts looking through them.)

TIM

What’s wrong with my job?

SARAH

Nothing. You’re helping people, right?

TIM

Trying to.

SARAH

Then there’s nothing wrong.

TIM

Just say what you want to say.  

(SARAH doesn’t respond.)

 I’m doing the best I can.

SARAH

Maybe it’s not enough!

(TIM is obviously hurt and doesn’t respond. SARAH realizes that she has gone too far and is unsure of what to do. TIM starts looking through boxes then exits to the kitchen. SARAH looks around, trying to figure out how to make him feel better. Her eyes come to rest on the box of toys that had the nerf guns in them. She lights up and heads over to the box.)

SARAH

Tim!

(He re-enters and stands there. SARAH doesn’t say anything as she rifles through the box a little more. She looks up and finally speaks.)

SARAH

You said you learned a new magic trick…

(She pulls out a deck of cards)

You haven’t shown me yet.

(She holds the cards out to TIM who lights up and comes to sit next to her.)

TIM

Okay. Do you want to shuffle them?

SARAH

Alright.

(She takes the cards and shuffles them a few times.)

TIM

Okay, now cut the deck a few times.

SARAH

Mhmm.

(There is a ‘Is this your card trick.’ They should ad-lib during the card trick. Towards the end of the trick TIM should flip over some of the deck of cards and then pause as he is about to flip over another one. The conversation continues at this point.)

TIM

Okay. If the next card I flip over is your card, then you owe me kiss.

SARAH

Alright. But if it’s not, you help me unpack.

TIM

Deal.

(They shake hands and then he flips over her card. She snatches it up to make sure it is her card.)

SARAH

Awesome. How’d you do it?

TIM

A magician never reveals his secrets.

SARAH

Oh, that’s right.

TIM

Now, about that kiss.

(TIM sits back, waiting for her to kiss him. She finally leans in and kisses him and he starts nuzzling her neck, going for more. She pulls away.)

You know this is okay now.

SARAH

I just…

TIM

I waited like you wanted. We’re married…

SARAH

What if you don’t like my body?

TIM

Are you kidding? You’re gorgeous!

SARAH

You’ve never seen me without clothes.

TIM

We could fix that.

SARAH

This just isn’t how I pictured it.

TIM

Things usually never are. Just go with it.

SARAH

I’m sorry.

TIM

What is it?

SARAH

I dunno.

TIM

You are beautiful. You have nothing to worry about.

SARAH

We’ve waited this long. Can we just… wait a little longer?

TIM

(Reluctantly) Yeah.

SARAH

I’m sorry!

TIM

No, it’s fine. I like waiting, waiting’s… great.

(Beat)

I’m hungry. Are you hungry?

SARAH

Seriously?

TIM

We haven’t eaten in hours!

(TIM wanders off-stage and he soon returns with a box of cereal. He sits down on the couch and starts chewing loudly. SARAH has begun unpacking some more.)

SARAH

Must you chew so loud?

TIM

I’m not.

SARAH

Yes, you are.

TIM

I’m chewing like I normally do.

SARAH

No.

TIM

Yes.

SARAH

Whatever.

(SARAH returns to unpacking some boxes but is obviously increasingly annoyed with TIM’s chewing.)

SARAH

Why don’t you put milk in it?!

TIM

We don’t have milk.

SARAH

You were supposed to pick some up before the wedding.

TIM

I know.

SARAH

You forgot?

TIM

What do you think?

SARAH

Go get some milk.

TIM

Are you kidding?

SARAH

Does it look like I’m kidding?

TIM

Where am I supposed to go?

SARAH

Run to the gas station at the corner for all I care, but for my sanity, get some milk.

TIM

Alright…

(SARAH is ruffled as TIM puts on shoes and slowly leaves. He’s still a bit confused. She locks the door after him and takes in her surroundings. She cringes and starts going through boxes, finding a beautiful lamp, throw pillows, etc.  Throughout this part she should be muttering to herself and talking to herself about how frustrated she is, how ugly the apartment is, how she’s frustrated with herself. She looks at the coffee table and has an idea. She rifles through a box and puts a tablecloth/sheet over the coffee table. She sets up a few candles all nice and stands back, admiring her work.  She moves to the couch and rearranges the pillows, tries putting a sheet over the couch, etc. She gets upset as things don’t look good together and she ends up stubbing her toe. She drops to the floor and sees the hideous rug, She tries pulling it up but soon realizes that it is nailed down. She starts scratching at the rug and hyperventilating. She wraps her arms around herself and starts rocking back and forth. She should look disheveled and pitiful at this point. TIM is heard unlocking the door and when he comes in he is not holding any milk. He stops when he sees SARAH and the state of the apartment.)

TIM

Sarah?... Sarah? Are you okay?

SARAH

(Looking up) Where’s the milk?

TIM

It closed about fifteen minutes ago.

SARAH

Of course it did.

TIM

I can go somewhere else if y—

SARAH

No, no it’s fine.

TIM

Are you okay?

SARAH

I’m fine.

TIM

Are you sure—

SARAH

Oh I’m sure. I live in a hidous apartment and my wedding night is ruined. I’m fine.

TIM

It’s not that bad. And it’s our wedding night.

SARAH

And it’s ruined.

TIM

I’m sorry, what can I do for you?

SARAH

(After a silent moment) I’m going to take a shower.

TIM

Right now?

SARAH

Of course!

TIM

Oh… May I join you?

SARAH

Absolutely not.

TIM

Why? It’s our wedding night.

SARAH

Because I’m showering.

TIM

And?

SARAH

I said no.

(TIM backs down and SARAH rifles through a suitcase and pulls out a bathrobe, shampoo, body wash, etc. She walks into the bathroom and closes the door. TIM looks after her and shakes his head. He grabs his deck of cards and starts playing with them. The bathroom door opens and SARAH comes out slowly.)

SARAH

How do you get the shower wand to stay up on the wall?

TIM

Oh I forgot! It broke the other day when I was showering.

SARAH

What?

TIM

I called maintenance to come fix it. That’s really frustrating that they haven’t come out to fix it yet. I’m sorry babe.

SARAH

How am I supposed to shower?

TIM

You just have to hold the showerhead with one hand and do everything else with the other hand.

(SARAH just stares at Tim incredulously.)

TIM

I know it’s really annoying. I’m really sorry. I tried fixing it myself but I just don’t have the tools to do it.

(SARAH starts to relax a little more but still doesn’t say anything.)

TIM

Sorry. I’ll call maintenance again in the morning.

(SARAH nods and then heads back to the shower as she mutters.)

SARAH

I can’t even take a proper shower!

(As SARAH goes back into the bathroom TIM goes back to playing with his cards. A cell phone rings and TIM looks around. He spots SARAH’s purse. He stares at it, unsure of what to do. He finally decides and rifles through her purse until he finds her phone. He is relieved when he recognizes the caller and answers it.)

TIM

Hey, Tina!… she did?.... she must have texted while we were driving back… yeah, tonight has not exactly gone according to plan… the hotel was a little, uh, lacking, so she wanted to just come home… I know, it happened really fast… thank you!... well she’s in the shower right now… I wanted to but she didn’t want me to… you think so?... Maybe I’ll try it…. Okay, I’ll tell her you called. Bye.

(TIM sets the phone on the arm of the couch and ponders for a moment and finally decides. He goes over to the bathroom door and hesitates then pushes the door open.  The door slams close and immediately SARAH is screaming. We hear a few thuds as she continues to scream at him, things like, “Get out!” or “Don’t look at me!” etc. TIM comes running out of the bathroom and shower items are being thrown out behind him. Soon SARAH comes out in a robe.)

SARAH

What the heck, Tim?

TIM

I just—

SARAH

Just what? I told you not to come in.

TIM

But why?

SARAH

Because!

TIM

Because why?

SARAH

I was naked!

TIM

I know!

SARAH

I don’t want you to see me.

TIM

Look, it’s our honeymoon, isn’t that the point?

SARAH

Not in the shower.

TIM

What’s the big deal?

SARAH

I don’t want that to be the first time you see me.

TIM

I don’t care.

SARAH

I do.

TIM

You’re being ridiculous.

SARAH

I told you no.

TIM

You’re over-reacting.

SARAH

Ooh. You’re driving me crazy!

TIM

I just don’t get you right now.

SARAH

I have every right to be upset.

(Rifling through her purse.)

Where’s my phone?

TIM

(Picking up her phone from the couch)

 It’s right here. Oh, Tina called.

SARAH

You went through my purse?

TIM

Your phone was ringing.

SARAH

You answered my phone?

TIM

Yeah.

SARAH

Why?

TIM

‘Cause it was ringing.

SARAH

You shouldn’t be answering my phone.

TIM

If my phone was ringing would you answer it?

(SARAH hesitates for a moment and tries to speak but TIM picks up on it.)

TIM

Right. Why did you tell her you were disappointed?

SARAH

Because I am!

TIM

With what?

SARAH

Everything!

TIM

Everything. Well that’s helpful.

(TIM goes into the bathroom without closing the door and we hear the sounds of him undoing his belt)

SARAH

What are you doing?

TIM

(He stops) Going to the bathroom.

SARAH

The door’s still open.

TIM

Yes it is.

SARAH

Why is it open?

TIM

(He comes back out with his belt undone)

 ‘Cause I didn’t close it.

SARAH

Why?

TIM

Can I just pee in peace?

SARAH

You can if you close the door.

TIM

Okay.

(He goes back into the bathroom and closes the door.)

SARAH

Ridiculous.

TIM

(Not hearing her, shouting)

What?

SARAH

Nothing!

(TIM’s phone rings from the bedroom. SARAH goes into the bedroom and answers it as she is coming back out.)

SARAH

Hello?... Hello?...

(Hangs up as TIM comes out of the bathroom.)

I think you just got prank called.

(Hands him the cell phone)

TIM

You answered my phone?

SARAH

Of course.

TIM

It’s fine…I just can’t believe you got mad at me for answering your phone.

SARAH

I had every right to get mad at you for that.

TIM

Then how come I can’t get upset with you for answering my phone?

SARAH

Don’t try to make me feel bad.

TIM

I’m not! I’m just trying to make sense of you right now.

SARAH

Oh, sorry for being so unsensical!

TIM

You mean nonsensical.

SARAH

Don’t make me feel stupid.

TIM

I didn’t mean to.

SARAH

Yes you did.

TIM

No I didn’t. I would never make you feel stupid on purpose. I thought you knew me better than that.

SARAH

Maybe I don’t.

TIM

What?

SARAH

My parents were right. We rushed into this.

TIM

We just need to talk.

SARAH

We’re arguing!

TIM

Argue, yell, talk, whatever! Let’s just try to work through this.

SARAH

When my parents were upset with each other they went their separate ways for a little while.

TIM

Oh, ‘cause that’s real healthy!

SARAH

I think my parents had the right idea and I think that’s what we should do.

TIM

You’re not serious.

(SARAH starts toward the front door. TIM beats her to it and leans against it. She starts to protest but he just looks at her and gestures toward her robe. She looks down and realizes that she is just wearing a bathrobe and decides going outside is not an option. She starts heading for the bedroom but again TIM rushes there before her. He closes the door and stands blocking it. She tries to stare him down, but he is more stubborn. She eyes the bathroom and makes a quick dash to it. He is fast on the uptake and as she is closing the door he gets his foot in. She pushes, trying to close it before he can get in. He pushes back and she stands there defiantly. He motions for her to go out. She leaves slowly, glaring, and runs back to the bedroom. He runs after her and they disappear for a moment.  From offstage we hear slapping sounds. A small conversation is heard offstage.)

TIM

 Ow. Stop hitting me!

SARAH

I don’t want to talk to you.

TIM

Stop hitting m—

SARAH

Hey! No. Put me do—

TIM

Only if you talk t-

SARAH

No!

(When they come back in TIM has SARAH over his shoulder and she is screaming and hitting him.)

TIM

This may not be how it’s done in your family, but we need to talk!

SARAH

Just put me down!

TIM

You were the one hitting me.

SARAH

Cause you won’t leave me alone.

TIM

(Putting her on the couch.)

I’m just trying to talk to you.

SARAH

I don’t wanna talk to you.

(SARAH crosses her arms and slouches. She looks away from him and doesn’t speak. She is breathing slightly heavily from hitting TIM. There is silence for a minute before TIM gets up and lights the candles on the coffee table. He turns off the lights and turns on some music. He goes slowly over to SARAH and offers his hand to dance.)

TIM

May I have this dance?

(She refuses but TIM keeps trying until SARAH gives in and grabs his hand. They start dancing slowly and a moment passes before SARAH speaks.)

SARAH

I know I get kinda crazy when I’m upset.

TIM

Yeah, I picked up on that.

SARAH

I’m trying to apologize!

TIM

Okay, I’m sorry.

SARAH

I just need a chance to step back.

TIM

Do you need another step?

SARAH

I’m okay now.

TIM

You’re sure?

SARAH

Yes, unless you keep stopping me.

TIM

Right, please go on.

SARAH

It’s like I just… lose it. It’s like I become a different person and I am looking at myself and trying to make sense of why I’m acting the way that I am. I try to stop but this inner monster just takes over and I—

TIM

Babe.

SARAH

And now I’m rambling.

TIM

You’re cute.

SARAH

I… I wish we could re-start the night.

TIM

Why can’t we?

SARAH

Huh?

TIM

We can re-start it here.

SARAH

Umm…

TIM

We’ll leave and come back in and re-start.

SARAH

Are you serious?

TIM

Does it look like I’m joking?

SARAH

I’m not leaving like this.

 (Gesturing toward her disheveled appearance)

TIM

We’re just going out to the doorstep.

SARAH

Okay…

(TIM pulls her through the door and they are heard giggling. We hear the following from off stage.)

SARAH

Ahh, what are you doing?

TIM

Doing this the right way.

(There is fumbling heard at the door.)

SARAH

You can put me down for a minute.

TIM

No, no, I got it.

(The door opens and they come in with Tim carrying SARAH in his arms.)

TIM

Welcome to our… ugly apartment. We can fix it up.

SARAH

Sounds wonderful… Hey Tim?

TIM

Hmm?

SARAH

(SARAH leans up and kisses TIM.)

Let’s go to bed.    

TIM

Are you tired?

(SARAH stares at him until he figures it out.)

TIM

Oooooh.

(Lights fade as he carries her into the bedroom.)